Is your relationship on the right track? It’s sometimes hard to tell. That said, you deserve to know whether your partner is committed to you. A relationship can only prosper when both parties are in things for the love and happiness your situation brings you. You’re wasting your time otherwise.
Here are seven signs that may indicate your partner isn’t in the relationship for the right reasons.
1. They Don’t Pay Their Fair Share
If you’re in a relationship where your partner wants and chooses to pay for everything, you won’t need to read this point. However, it’s more likely you and your partner contribute somewhat equally when it comes to finances. What happens when they don’t put up their fair share?
You don’t want to jump to conclusions that your partner is a gold digger. That said, you do need to have a conversation. It’s not uncommon for situations like these to spiral out of control — and it’s not your responsibility to pay for their rent, food and gas.
In other words, you need to have a conversation with them if they tend to “leech” from your hard work. If they don’t want to split financial responsibilities fairly, it’s time to focus on yourself.
2. They Can’t Be Single for Too Long
Have you ever heard someone say they don’t like to be single? Many people feel like they have to be in a relationship for various reasons. They might fear loneliness. In different cases, they could need a boost for their self-esteem.
This prospect can lead to issues between you and your partner. There’s a chance they’ll stay in your relationship for longer than they should even when things begin to fall apart. That’s unhealthy for everyone involved and can lead to some very codependent tendencies.
It’s not your responsibility to stay in your relationship because your partner can’t cope when they’re single. The same idea applies to you, too. If you find yourself staying despite your relationship failing, you need to learn how to be happy when you’re alone.
3. They’ve Bonded With Your Family or Friends
If you’ve been with your partner for a while, you’ve likely met each other’s family and friends. You may have even created some great friendships with them. Those bonds will make your own relationship go more smoothly. That said, they can have a few downsides.
Understandably, you don’t want to lose connections when your relationship ends. Will you still be best friends with your ex’s sister after you break up? That question may linger long enough for you to stay in your relationship for the wrong reasons.
If you’ve truly formed genuine bonds, they should stay with you even after you and your partner part ways.
4. They Don’t Want to Let Go of the Past
A long and storied history can be a solid foundation for a relationship. However, if you’re on the brink of ending things, it can also be a reason one of you sticks around for too long. There’s a difference between a six-month relationship and one that’s lasted three or four years.
Your shared past may have a lot of moments worth remembering. That said, you can’t let those memories cloud your vision. If you want to reevaluate your future together, you should. It’s never smart to stay with someone only because you spent so many years with one another.
5. They’re Focused on Appearances
This point is essentially a compliment to yourself! In all seriousness, you don’t want your partner to only be with you because of your looks. They need to be invested in who you are as a person. That’s the central factor that drives any lasting relationship. After all, looks eventually fade.
You may notice that this sentiment extends to other superficial qualities. Maybe you have an awesome apartment or car that you share with your partner. If they concentrate on appearances in any form, you need to reevaluate why they’re in a relationship with you. The future of your relationship may not be successful otherwise.
6. They’re Only Happy in the Bedroom
Intimacy is a vital part of most healthy romantic relationships. It’s necessary to have sexual chemistry with your partner if that’s important to both of you. However, you can’t rely on physicality to support you both mentally and emotionally.
If your partner only seems happy when you’re in the bedroom, you need to reflect on other aspects of your relationship. That attraction to one another can blind you from seeing red flags that would’ve otherwise been apparent. You both need to have something more significant than just intimacy to be happy.
7. They Really Want to Start a Family or Get Married
It’s common to want kids. In fact, you may feel like you haven’t lived a complete life unless you start a family. However, there’s a fine line that you may reach as you age. If you haven’t yet had children, you could subconsciously be looking for a partner only for them to be a co-parent.
The same sentiment can happen with marriage. There are societal expectations for people, mainly women, to get married and start families before they’re “too old.” Your partner may feel like you’re a solution to that underlying desire.
As a result, you need to talk about your expectations.
These Tells Can Indicate They Aren’t Genuine
There’s no denying that relationships aren’t easy. If your partner doesn’t seem to want you for you, it’s time to reevaluate why they’re with you. You’ll save yourself time — and heartache — in the long run.
Text by Mia Barnes
Mia Barnes is a lifestyle writer with 2+ years of experience writing about healthy relationships. She is also the Editor-in-Chief of Body+Mind.